A bit of OOC ranting
About my stepmother, and me finally standing up for myself.
Sorry. I hate OOC posts. But I’m just really proud of myself right now.
Here’s a bit of backstory on me first: I’m a bit of a people pleaser. I always talk tough, and act like I don’t take nobody’s sh*t, and don’t let anybody mess with me. And I think about all these awesome things to say. But when it comes down to it, I just let people walk over me because I don’t wanna upset anyone. I’ve had boys who try to walk all over me and won’t take no for an answer until finally my friends have to stand up for me. Stuff like this happens all the time and I just have this personality that says ‘I’m tough! I can stand up for myself! But then I never, ever do.
One time, years ago, when my mum dropped me and my brother off at my dad’s house, where my stepmum live, I refused to get out of the car. I just had a panic attack and didn’t want to be there. They actually called the cops and tried to tell them that my mum was a crazy Jehovah’s Witness who wouldn’t let me see them. The cops asked me if I wanted to get out and I told them ‘no. I don’t. I want to go home with my mum.’ They told my stepmum that I was a human being and could make my own choices, and drove off. She barged up to the car and started yelling at me through the window. She asked ‘are you saying I’m a terrible person?’. I wanted to say ‘yes’, roll up my window, and not look back. Instead I whispered ‘u-um, n-no, that’s not I, I um…’. To this day, I regret it. Just a simple ‘yes’. Push a button. What was I so afraid of?
She has been pretty bad for years. Eventually, my brother stopped coming (I only stay with them on weekends), but I never did. Because I love my dad. He isn’t the problem, and I refused to let her ruined what I had with my father. But she still made me very miserable, very often. She’s the type of person who takes everything you love, and destroys it. She belittles you. She takes everything you’re proud of and uses it against you. Anytime she does soemthing nice or gives you a gift, you dread it. Because you know that later, she’s going to come back and say ‘Well I did THIS for you.’
Sorry for all the word garbage, but I’m getting to the point. I’ve been meekly dealing with her crap and submitting to her for more years then I can actually remember, now. I guess today I finally snapped. You know how when you adjust the volume on the TV and stuff, it shows the number? Well I prefer the number to be a nice neat multiple of 5. 20, 25, 30. You get the idea.
I mentioned this in passing during a conversation. Somehow, she derailed the entire conversation and interrogated me about why I do it, and spent over half an hour telling me that the fact that I do that is insane, and I’m stupid for wanting to be insane, and choosing a volume based on how it looks adds insanity to my life, and it’s stupid for me to do so because it’s an insane behaviour. And basically used the words stupid and insane an awful lot.
I didn’t agree with her, and I didn’t apologize. And I didn’t sit there quietly and wait for her to finish berating me. I told her that changing the volume on the telly is literally one of the most insignificant, unimportant tasks ever, and if it’s not a multiple of five, I can still get on with my life, and the fact that she feels the need to make such an enormous mountain out of such an insignificant molehill and actually spend over half an hour telling me I’m insane for making a simple decision in my own life is an insane behaviour. I told her it was one of the most insane behaviours that I’d ever seen, and that any normal person would have taken the passing comment as it was, and moved on with their conversation. And that she needed to take such a small comment, and pull it apart, and spend half an hour belittling the person who made it, is literally the most insane behaviour I have ever seen any person display, and she must be really stupid to behave in such an insane way.
When I was done, she just tried to keep repeating herself about how I don’t need to change my behaviour, but as a ‘parent’ it’s her obligation to tell me when my behaviours are insane and I told her that repeating the exact same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result is a sign of insanity and then walked into the bathroom and shut the door (it made me feel like I’d finally rolled the window up in her face. Finally.) When I came back out, she was gone. I’ve been in my bedroom since then and she hasn’t come in, so.
My dad did come in a little while later and tried to repeat all the exact same stuff she’d just said to me. I stopped him about two minutes in and did my final ‘rant’ of the night. (I wouldn’t call any of these rants, ‘cause I was ridiculously calm the entire time). I told him that I don’t take sh*t from other people so I won’t take it from her. No exceptions. Then I listed off all of the insane behaviours she displays (there are honestly a LOT), mentioned that I despise hypocrisy, and mentioned that she never takes accountability for any of her own behaviour or actions, so she has no right whatsoever to try and condescend me. I also told him that in a lot of households, the man is the head of the house. I explained that while in today’s society I don’t neccessarily expect that to be the case, spouces should at the very least treat each other as equals, and with respect. But do you know what I see? I see you [dad] on your hands and knees, kissing her butt everyday. You do every single thing you can to be kind to her - nice, and respectful. And do you know what you get in return? You get talked down to, insulted, disrepected, critisized, and condescended. And I see it, and it makes me furious. But I’m not married to you, and I’m not married to her, so it isn’t my place to get involved. As angry as it makes me, you’re a grown man and you can take care of yourself. I don’t push myself into this situation. But if she’s going to push the situation onto me, thern there is no way I’m going to sit back and take it. She’s a rude, disrespectful hypocrite and I will not let her talk down to me.
My dad didn’t punish me, or reprimand me. He told me to keep my voice down, and agreed with every single thing I said.
I just feel… amazing.
Sorry for the word wall, but that has been building for YEARS and I finally became exactly who I wanted to be. Someone who can damn well stand up for themself and not get pushed around and ripped apart at every opportunity.
TL DR; My stepmum’s horrible and I’m a pushover. I finally stood up for myself and my dad’s pretty cool.